Elyn's Second Year

Elyn,

Before you were born Grammy gave me a calendar to keep up with all of your firsts and other special moments for the first year or your life. I can say with confidence that I nailed it. I was on top of recording so many memories in the calendar. I have recorded a lot of special memories and firsts from your second year, but they are scattered on Facebook, the notepad app on my phone, and photos. Hopefully this post will help me organize those memories for you (and me).

Getting into everything!

The biggest milestone happened on February 12, 2014. You took your first steps! You know it was the biggest snow day of the year when Daddy's work closes early. Daddy works for a car dealership, and everyone knows car dealerships don't like to close. Not only was Daddy home, but he was also the first to see you take your first steps. I heard his excitement while I was in another room. Of course, he ran to our room with you in his arms and said, "You missed it! You missed it!" He put you down and coaxed you to take a few more steps for me to see. We all celebrated with cheers and clapping, and you loved all the attention. I guess it took a snow day for you to decide you were finally ready to walk. It's three months later, and you are walking everywhere, getting faster, and getting into everything. The sweetest thing is when you walk up to someone and reach your little hand out to hold hands and walk together. 

Daddy loves taking you to Toddler Time.

As soon as you turned ONE, you have been attending a couple of group activities to help you socialize with other babies (and adults). Daddy started taking you to Toddler Time at the library almost every week. It probably took about a month for you to warm up to your new activity, but you are really starting to enjoy it these last couple of weeks. They read stories, sing, and make a craft each week. Your favorite song is the "Bean Bag Song," and you love to walk up front to pick out a bean bag to use during the song. You also love when the teacher brings out the bubbles, and you excitedly squeal, "BUBBLES!" You're not too fond of the crafts, but you're not quite at the age to be able to participate by yourself anyways. Last week, you made a friend. It was adorable to watch your new friend Briella console you while you cried. After she patted your shoulder, you were stuck to her like glue. It's like you could sense that she liked you, and you immediately liked her back. Later I found out, she is only 2 weeks older than you. However, she is a head taller than you. You are still our little petite baby, and I wouldn't have it any other way because it makes you still seem like my little baby. You have also started attending our church's nursery class on Wednesday nights. My best friend Chesnee keeps you in her class. You have loved Chesnee from the very beginning, and sometimes I call her your second mommy. It's a relief to be able to send you to a class I know you enjoy. Seeing the puppets is one of your favorite parts of the class. I am so thankful for your new activities because they are really helping you to branch out and not be so uneasy around other people.

Coloring during Wednesday night class

I mentioned you are still very petite. As of February 27, 2014 at your last doctors visit, you weighed 17 lbs 13 oz and were 28 inches long. I think you weigh about 20 lbs now. You wear a size 3 diaper, mostly 12 months clothes, and size 3 shoes. At the beginning of April we switched you to a big girl car seat, but you are still rear facing, especially since you're so tiny. It doesn't bother you to be rear facing because most of the time your brother and sister are back there with you.

I'm not sure if they entertain you, or if you entertain them. You are a clown, and you love to copy any sound, word, or facial expression we do. I started a list on my phone of all the words you can say, but you say a new word at least every other day. Here is a list, but I'm sure there are many more.

Mommy

Momma

Daddy

DaDa

Toodles - "ooaa"

Mickey - "Minnie"

Minnie - "Minnie"

Goofy - "Gooby"

Hat

Bird

Poop (as you point to your diaper)

Butt

Stop - "Topsss"

Yea

Yay

Paw Paw

Maw Maw

Austin - "Aba" or "Auti"

Ava

Sissy

Go

Sophie

Off

Eat

Out

Outside - "side"

Milk - "Milt"

Water - "Wa"

Matt

Ear

Eyes

Horse

Book - "Boot"

Doggy - "Goggy"

Cat

Baby - sometimes sounds like "Bobby"

Balloon - "Boon"

Hurry, Hurry

Cookie

Shoe

Sit 

Chesnee - "Che Chee"

Adam

Bentley - "Ben Ben"

Bubbles

Play

My Girl - "Guy Girrr"

Now

Bath Tub

Come on

Kitchen

Eew

Bye Grammy - "Bye Ammy" (We can never get you to say Grammy, but you did say this once.)

Bye Daddy

I know the reason you have picked up so many words is because you have two older siblings. I also think it has a lot to do with your love of books. You love for us to read to you, and you also love to pretend to read. I have a little book from a Chic-Fil-A kid's meal that I give to you in the car. You usually jabber the whole way to pick up Kailee from school as you turn every page. When you are done reading it, you throw it across the car. You pick out a book, walk over to me, say "Tank You," sit on my lap, and wait for me to start reading it. Even though I read book after book and sometimes the same book (Dora the Explorer) several times, I still wish I could freeze time in moments like that.

You are starting to eat with a fork. You haven't gotten the hang of it yet, but you've done it by yourself a few times.

Your first time sitting on the Easter Bunny's lap went as expected. You screamed so the entire mall could hear and feel sorry for you. But your first Easter egg hunt was a success. You did participate and knew exactly what to do. You put the eggs in your basket and said, "Thank you" every time.

Egg hunt 2014

You definitely have a temper and an attitude. I can tell you are going to be very strong willed and want things to be done a certain way. I know exactly where you get that from -- me. Hopefully I can encourage you to use that character trait to your advantage in a good way. Hopefully I can teach you to stand up for what you know is right and to know when to submit your will to benefit others. But for now, I'm just trying to teach you not to embarrass the daylights out of me in public. HAHAHA!!!

I love you so much. You have added so much color and joy to my life. I'm so glad you are mine.

The look

Marriage Monday

It's Monday, which means Man Crush Monday in the land of social media. In honor of my Man Crush Monday, I devote this post to marriage.

The first year of marriage was a big flop for us. Wow! That's not what you were expecting. 

I know Mr. M wouldn't mind me sharing because he often (very often) is honest and humorous with people when he tells stories from our first year together. It was rough. If you had a blissful first year, then I applaud you. However, most couples I know admit they were not prepared for what happened in the year after they said "I do." Our first year left me wondering why no one told me about this. Well, here I am, the blogger of bad news. The first year of marriage is not rainbows and butterflies. The first year of marriage is adjustment and compromise. 

I decided to devote a blog post to this topic a few weeks ago, but I wanted to do some research first. Expecting tips and lists about how to survive the first year, I went online to see what has already been written on this topic. This is what I found:

What in the world? There is a Scripture that basically says you should take the first year off after you get married. That is brilliant! I know what you're thinking. That's irrelevant. Better yet, that's impossible. We have to work to make money. We have obligations that can't be ignored. I get it, but there is profound wisdom in this verse that is sandwiched between lots of talk about marriage and divorce. 

The first year of marriage involves a lot of adjustment. The rented tuxedo has been returned, and the bridal gown has been preserved in its box. The honeymoon is over, and there you two are in all your glory. Your day-to-day, sleep talking, morning breath GLORY. Adjustment. It's a beautiful thing.

Had I known this Scripture existed almost six years ago, I would have taken it seriously, but hindsight is 20/20. 

The second half of the verse continues to say, "but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken." This is a commitment they made to be intentional about pursuing each other's happiness during the infamous first year. In today's world, women also have many responsibilities outside the home, and I believe we can apply this to men and women.

No matter how many years you've been married, you need to prioritize your life in order to strengthen your marriage, but the first year is very important.

If you are involved in ministry during the first year of marriage, try to include your spouse in your ministry as much as possible. Your spiritual connection didn't begin and end at the altar on your wedding day; continue that spiritual connection with devotions together. The example you set as a couple has the potential to impact the lives of those around you. Be a ministry team as much as possible.

It's important to maintain friendships after you are married, but don't let social obligations get in the way of bonding with each other. Whether you dated for three weeks or three years, there is much to learn about your spouse. Some things you learn should be celebrated, and other things you learn will make you want to pull out your hair. Enjoy the process of getting to know each other on a deeper level.  

Pursuing the happiness of your spouse also involves making silent sacrifices. You are no longer living for yourself. There is another person walking beside you as you journey through life. Their needs and desires are just as important as your own.

These are only a few examples, but the point is don't let anything distract you from developing your relationship with each other. If you practice this in the first year, you will have a head start as you create healthy patterns for your marriage. 

If you are in the middle of an unexpected year one, don't get knocked down. It's normal. You are not alone. Seek wisdom from other married couples. Don't give up. We are proof that it gets better! It gets so much better, but it takes effort. We are almost six years into our marriage, and I can say it gets better every year. I honestly can't believe how far we have come. I'm not sure what year it actually clicked with us. Honestly, it might have been year two or three, but we eventually learned to accept our differences, to pick our battles, and to celebrate each other. None of that happened in our first year, but it's better late than never! 

So, what was your experience during your first year of marriage?

Have you ever read this Scripture (Deuteronomy 24:5), or do you have any more insight about it?

A Crockpot Family

During our engagement, many people gave me lots of wanted and unwanted advice on how to have a successful, ready-made family. I became an instant mom when I married Mr. M, but we did not become an instant family, at least not the instant family I imagined or the instant family well-meaning people imagined for us. In the beginning, that really bothered me. I could not understand why we were not able to function like the family I had. The truth, which I did not want to accept, is a step-family can have similarities to a biological family, but it will never be a biological family.

The terms ready-made family and instant family are all wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. If you are thinking of marrying to form a step-family or if you are already part of a step-family, get these terms out of your mind. Please, do yourself a favor. It is true that nothing worth having comes easy. I know you might be saying, "But my future spouse, future step-kids, and I get along great." This post isn't about getting along. It's about the process of becoming a strong step-family that will stand the tests and trials you are bound to face. It is just that -- a process -- it does not happen instantaneously.

My mom bought The Smart Step-Family by Ron Deal for me after I got married. I wish I would have read this book prior to marriage because it would have prepared me and truly benefited our family sooner. Please, do yourself another favor and get this book. A lot of what I will write about today comes from this wise author.

There are many ways you can try to force your step-family to come together. Imagine you are in the kitchen. Your ingredients are you, your spouse, and your step-children. You begin to throw all the ingredients inside a blender and viola -- a perfectly smooth mixture. Unfortunately, your ingredients were obliterated in the process. You may have good intentions, but moving too fast toward a beautiful bond can be harmful. Don't let me discourage you. You will have a bond, but let this bond take place gradually and at the pace established by your step-children. 

Let's try again with a food processor. You toss your ingredients inside, and the ingredients are diced into a mixture. This represents chopping up someone's past and origin. It is possible to have a very important role in the lives of your step-children without pretending like they don't have a past and origin that included two parents and a family that once was in tact. 

Maybe the microwave might do the trick. You nuke the ingredients hoping to create something worth waiting for while not waiting long at all. This culinary technique represents families that resent being called a step-family. However, accepting the unique differences about your step-family is the first step in learning how to relate to each other. 

My favorite cooking method is the crockpot. It makes my life so much easier, and using the crockpot method for my step-family has also made my life much easier. Tomorrow, I plan to make crockpot chicken and sausage gumbo (view the recipe here -- add frozen okra and diced onion). 

I'll throw in my ingredients, but they will remain in tact. Each family member in a step-family must remain in tact to keep their unique origin and characteristics. Cooking with low heat will allow my chicken and sausage to become tender, the frozen okra to thaw, the smelly onion to mellow, and the spices and chicken broth to soak into each ingredient. The different ingredients cook low and slow to create one of our favorite meals. The same process is necessary with step-families -- low and slow. Don't add so much pressure on yourselves to perfectly and instantly come together like the Brady bunch. You all need time to adjust to different living conditions, different ways of doing daily activities, and different traditions. Don't rush each other.

Here we are with our newest little ingredient. We're not perfect, but we have tremendously benefited from the crockpot step-family process.

If you like this post, then you will love The Smart Step-Family. Ron Deal is a Christian author, who specializes in advising step-families. I strongly encourage you to get the book today. If you don't need it, get it for a friend or family member who can benefit from it. 

Thanks for reading!

Everything Elyn

I cannot believe this was my little love exactly a year ago. Since spring was just around the corner, I remember telling her we wouldn't have many more days this season that we could sit by the fire together. A year later, I just told myself the same thing. I'm probably the only one in our area thankful for this cold weather blitz. The freezing temperature, the sleet, and even our outdoor umbrella flying across the deck are all reminders that this will be one of the last few nights this winter that we will get to lounge by the fire. 

My Sleeping Beauty is still a great sleeper (11-12 hours a night--HALLELUJAH), but right now she's crawling laps around her crib as I try to blog and attempt to save every memory I can about this stage of her life. Hopefully she can look back on some of my blog posts and come across stories I may not remember as the years go by. So here it is--everything Elyn, for Elyn.

Stats

28" tall

17 lbs. 14 oz. 

Your doctor said I need to make sure you are one of the best dressed students when you start school since he is sure you will be standing on the front row for all of your class pictures. 

Even though these stats put you in the 1st and 4th percentile, no one is concerned about you not getting enough to eat. Your favorite foods are Well, the real topic is your least favorite foods because you eat almost anything. Broccoli, potatoes, or sweet potatoes are not your favorites. Slippery fruits like peaches and mandarin oranges will go in your mouth and quickly slide back out. You are totally opposite of mommy because you love to eat meat. Although your grandparents and our best friends have snuck in a few sips of Sun Drop, Coke, and sweet tea, you only drink whole milk and water. Transitioning you to whole milk in a sippy cup was a breeze. In fact, most transitions come easy for you, and that is one of the many reasons why I love you oh so much. You make my job easy (most of the time).

Another recent transition has been not giving you the paci. For the last week, you used a paci for one nap. The major hurdle we were afraid of was not giving it to you yesterday in church, but with a couple trips out of the sanctuary, you were fine. One of the main reasons we decided to start limiting the use of a paci was because your top 4 front teeth decided to come in all at once. We let you use it to comfort you through teething, but no more paci after that. Your doctor said the paci can interfere with your front teeth. But I can't lie. The more honest reason was because your check up was this week, and I didn't want you to have a paci in front of the doctor. I knew he would not be happy seeing that. Instead of the paci lecture, mommy got a lecture about not rocking you to sleep at night, but we all know daddy is the one who needs to hear that lecture. We're not quite ready to stop rocking you to sleep though no matter what your doctor says. All joking aside, your doctor is awesome, and he is always impressed with the set of lungs God gave you.

Speaking of your set of lungs, you are very talkative. Here is a list of some of the things you say or have said at least twice -- Mickey, thank you (your favorite thing to say), bye, da-da, ma-ma, pa-paw, aunt B, doggie, no (another one of your favorites), ball, eat, uh-oh (another favorite), I ove oo (I love you), eye, baby, bow, hot.

Big brother and sister love to teach you all kinds of things since you are so good at being a copy cat. You laugh when they laugh, and you have even imitated a sneeze. We often have conversations reminding each other that we need to be very careful about what we say around you. You are going to embarrass us with something you repeat one of these days. 

Your favorite song is "Peanut Butter Jelly Time," and this song will cheer you up no matter how much of a fit you are throwing. You also like the hot dog song from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Another favorite of yours is "Hello My Name Is." This is a Christian song that comes on the radio every day. You love this song because you can sing along with it. There is a part when the singer sings "waa oh oh oh oh," and it sounds similar to "uh-oh." It never fails that you sing along saying "uh-oh." That puts a smile on my face every day, and it always gives your brother and sister a good laugh as they are heading to and from school. It never gets old.

You love to press buttons to see what will happen, and this includes the remote control, garage door opener, alarm system, and light switches. Your big sissy has taught you how to brush your hair, and she is very proud that she is the one who taught you that.

You still enjoy bath time, and now you pitch a fit when it's time to get out of the bath. Letting the hair dryer blow on you is a quick fix to help you forget about getting out of the bath. Daddy is afraid you are going to be addicted to using the hair dryer as a heater like I am.

Although you are not walking yet, you have taken several steps many times. We are all waiting for you to take off soon. For now, you enjoy crawling super fast. Last night you were very ill at the end of church (which is usually the case), but you lit up and put on your happy face as soon as all the boys ranging from age 2 - 15 came to see you and hold your hands as you walked down the aisle. You love the boys at church a little too much. 

We could probably return all your toys and let you play in the cabinets and dresser drawers all day. You love taking things out and putting them back. However, you never put your clothes back in your dresser drawers after you sling them across your room. We really need to work on that, little missy.

Even though I want to keep you a little baby forever, I am anxious to see what you will do and learn next! We all are. 

Faith Hall of Fame

Chapter 11 in Hebrews is a passage in the Bible commonly referred to as the Faith Hall of Fame. Have you ever read it? Let me rephrase that question. Have you ever read it before you approached God in prayer? Hebrews 4:16 says, "Let us therefore come BOLDLY unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in the time of need." 

Many times I find myself praying without boldness, reciting a prayer, praying too generally, and failing to recognize that King Jesus cares about my specific needs. But when I read Hebrews 11 before I pray, something changes. Something happens. If faith comes by hearing the Word of God, then I believe faith becomes supercharged and electric when you read the Faith Hall of Fame chapter! That is exactly what happened to my faith one night about 3 years ago.

If you haven't read Hebrews 11 yet, go read it. I'll put some cute asterisks down here so you can pause reading my silly words and go read THE WORD. 

                                                            *****************

That was a powerful chapter. Don't you think? 

When I read these verses 3 years ago, I was so frustrated that our house was not selling. Fortunately, we were not in a position that we had to sell our house, but we really needed more room. We got a new realtor. We did some major and necessary work on the house. We dropped the price. We prayed. We cried. (Okay, I cried.) We prayed some more, but that night my prayer was full of supercharged faith.

I had just read about the awesome things God did for Abraham, Sarah, Noah, Moses, the Israelites, Gideon, etc. I recognized that I was about to approach God, who caused the Red Sea to part for the Israelites to walk through on dry ground, the God who caused the walls of Jericho to fall because a people of faith marched around them, and the God who stopped the mouths of lions. It was at that time, I approached the throne of grace boldly and specifically.

I prayed with my eyes open as I read to God my favorite scenes from the Faith Hall of Fame chapter. He didn't need to be reminded of what He did then, but I wanted to let Him know I acknowledged His power and my faith in His power. 

Then very specific prayers began to flow for my friends and family whose needs were more important than my house selling. 

When it came time to pray for my need (or want), I said, "God, if You can do all these things mentioned in Hebrews 11, then I know You can make this house sell. I know that if You wanted to, you can let someone who has never seen our house place an offer on it." 

One week later, our realtor called saying we had an offer on the house. Since we had a showing a couple days before, I asked her if it was the lady who came by that day. She said, "No. That lady who came by was looking for a house for her daughter, who lives in Alaska. Her daughter placed the offer on the house." I thought I would fall over dead right there, but instead I began to cry and told our realtor what I had prayed the week before.

I'm going to type a few more asterisks so you can take a praise break with me.

                                                        *****************

Many people who may come across this blog are dealing with situations that are more life altering than mine was 3 years ago. If God cares enough about me and my desire to sell that house, then how much more does He care about your needs? You don't have to be prayed over by the latest, greatest preacher, and you don't have to wait until the next time you attend church. You can pray in faith right now. You can pray and acknowledge God's authority and power all by yourself. He will meet you right where you are, and He will show you that He cares. He will do things for you that you would never imagine possible, and you will be able to write your own Faith Hall of Fame chapter!

(Before I go, I do need to clarify for the people who know who bought our house and who lives there now. She is not from Alaska. The offer from the lady in Alaska fell through, and a week later we received another offer that led to our house officially being sold. The fact that the first offer from Alaska didn't go through didn't get me down because God had already shown me that He had not forgotten me and that He heard my specific request. In fact, we raised the price of the house and it still sold within a week of that first offer. God knew what He was doing! If you read my prayer again, I specifically prayed about someone making an offer. To be more specific, I could have said "buy our house" instead of "make and offer." LOL!!!)

Far More Than A Thousand Words

Thank you all for the excitement and interest you have shown in my blog. I apologize that blogging has not made it on my priority list lately. It has definitely been on my mind, but my focus has been on Mini M and Miss K as we recently learned about the passing of their mother. Out of respect for the family and friends closest to her, I will not be sharing any details.

At the conclusion of my last post, I wrote about the lack of resources for step-families. This tragic, life-altering event is something through which no resource alone can help you navigate. The guidance and wisdom you will need for your children must come straight from the one and only omniscient God. I am the type of person that anticipates the solution to every possible scenario even before a situation occurs. In times like these, I learn to walk through the problems of the day and wait for God to direct my words and actions. He already said He would do so in His Word. Just lean on Him.

Mr. M and I have handled these past weeks with care and sensitivity; at least, I think we have. I can't help but wonder why it takes a tragedy for us to go through life being extra sensitive to the needs and feelings of those around us. As Christians, we should handle every situation and every person surrounding us with loving care.

On another note, I have a piece of advice for all you step-parents out there.

No matter what point you come into the lives of your step-children, they had and will always share a bond with their biological parent. Be the best parent you can be for your child, but don't ever try to diminish that bond. That bond is something you need to embrace, and your efforts to do so will be appreciated now and for years to come. Don't stifle something God created. What God creates is good and necessary. You will mess up, but if this is your overall outlook, your kids will see that you care.

One way to embrace this bond is to give your children access to old photos of them with their biological parent. Seeing photos of their mother holding them as infants at the funeral brought Mini M and Miss K so much joy. A few days after I heard the bad news, I contacted several people and asked them to gather old pictures they had of Mini M and Miss K's mother. Watching how they enjoyed these photos makes me wish I didn't wait until this tragedy to find some.

If your spouse doesn't have these photos, encourage him/her to locate some or try to find some on your own. It may seem awkward at first, but your children will appreciate this more than you will know. From my experience, a picture is worth far more than a thousand words.

Continue to pray for Mini M and Miss K. I know they will need your prayers now and in years to come.

Thanks for reading! I won't be a stranger, and I hope you won't be either.

Eleven Years Ago

Eleven years ago, my daughter was born.
Meanwhile, I wasn't there.

You see--eleven years ago, my daughter entered the world and began her journey of life.
Meanwhile, I never dreamed my journey would collide with hers.

Eleven years ago, my daughter's newborn eyes soaked up all the visible love on the faces surrounding her.
Meanwhile, my eyes had not yet seen the possibility and the extent of a love that can reach beyond biology.

Eleven years ago, my daughter stole her Daddy's heart.
Meanwhile, I didn't know she, her brother, and her Daddy would hold my heart for life.

Eleven years ago, my daughter, so innocent, could do no wrong.
Meanwhile, I had not felt the guilt of making mistakes as a parent and the constant drive to be a better Mother.

Eleven years ago, my daughter was new to this cruel world but full of affection.
Meanwhile, I didn't know the power and Christ-like example of a child's pure and unconditional love.

Before my daughter was born, GOD knew every twist and turn her life would take. He knew one of those twists would lead her to me and me to her. Along with twists and turns, we have gone uphill, downhill, and around a few circles, too. I'm thankful for the twists and turns because eleven years ago today, I never knew there was a little girl being born who would grow to love me, teach me, help me, laugh with me, cry with me, fuss with me, challenge me, and - most importantly - watch Hallmark movies with me!

This post is extremely personal for me to share. However, I believe too many step-parents (including myself) fail to express the reality of their roles and their feelings because of the stigma that so often accompanies step-parenting.

When I decided Mr. M was the one, my mom said something that will forever stick with me. And I quote, "Step-parenting will be the most challenging but most rewarding thing you have ever done." Over the years, I have shared this quote with many people who confide in me about their desire to marry someone who has children.

On this blog, I do plan to share both the challenges and the rewards of my journey through step-motherhood. I really believe the world needs more step-parents who will be transparent regarding their successes and failures. According to www.stepfamily.org, although 1,300 new step-families are forming every day, 75% of blended families complain about not having access to resources geared toward stepfamilies. It's time to start reaching out to a HUGE demographic that is being ignored, and hopefully some of my blog posts can be a small step in the right direction.

That's all for my rabbit trail. After a day celebrating Miss K and finally letting her get her ears pierced, this mom is ready for bed. Happy Birthday ~ I LOVE YOU!